Four years and five days ago, we lost our baby. This was something that I couldn't handle-and honestly, still struggle with. I would cry myself to sleep, try to find reason behind it. "Was I being punished? Did I do something wrong?" Family and friends meant well. Telling us "God has a plan for you.", "It's OK, you can try again soon.", "My friend lost her baby too and two months later she was pregnant, with TWINS!", and may favorite "Something was probably wrong with the baby and it was going to die anyways." I remember being angry with God asking him "How can this be your plan for me? For us?!" Ever since I was little I've known I wanted to be a mom. I imagined myself with my husband, a dog and six kids! Well, I do have a husband; only I have three dogs, a cat (it came with the husband) and a stepson, whom I love more than life itself. I have a wonderful support group, excellent friends, and the most loving family; but that doesn't negate the fact that I don't have children of my own. Not everyone understands, but for those of you who know what I am feeling, you know that nothing can replace the desire to be a mother. 2018, for us at least, was an extremely emotional and eventful year. After two years of trying to conceive and being diagnosed with unexplained infertility (which is really just the medical term for "I don't know why you aren't getting pregnant") Chris was diagnosed with stage three papillary thyroid cancer and I was diagnosed with Graves Disease (an autoimmune disorder that causes your immune system to attack your thyroid, so your thyroid works overtime trying to correct it). No, thyroid issues are not contagious, but while most couples have matching wedding bands, we have matching scars on our necks from our complete thyroidectomies- I know, we are awesome right?! We started to see our pregnancy loss as the first sign that things were not right (I had gone undiagnosed for 15 years! The loss of our pregnancy was the start of further testing which ultimately led to my diagnosis.) Becoming pregnant was possible but highly improbable since thyroid hormone levels must be perfect in order to conceive and carry. It was then that Chris said "Do you want to be a mom or do you want to be pregnant?", and so our adoption journey began. Being high school teachers, we see girls with unwanted pregnancies more often than we'd like. Normally, a pregnant teen would cause us to feel sorry, sometimes even fear for them. But when we started our adoption journey, we felt excited (absolutely horrible I KNOW! But [that] was our chance to possibly adopt a baby, become parents, and give this teenager and their baby a chance at a prosperous future. You know, like Juno. And just for the record, we didn't go up to girls and ask them if they were pregnant; plans of us adopting came up in conversation with some students after they asked how many kids we had.) We were approached by two girls (on separate occasions) about knowing that we were looking to adopt and wanting us to adopt their babies. However, one girl decided to parent right before delivering and the other lost her pregnancy at 15 weeks. Reality set in and we knew we were not going to have a happy "Juno type" adoption. We started looking for adoption agencies and noticed that adoption is expensive...I mean STUPID expensive! What made it worse, money had to be paid UPFRONT! We are teachers for God sake, we are underpaid; where were we supposed to have that kind of money?! We researched and saw that people pulled out loans, did fundraising, worked two to three jobs. We wanted to be parents but this was not something we had the capacity to do. Chris had cancer, was a football and track coach, I had just had surgery and we were in the process of buying a house, adoption didn't seem possible at this time. Then we stumbled upon this little thing called "foster to adopt". Foster to adopt, this amazing service where you foster children (for a minimum of six months to a year) that come from awful backgrounds and give them a loving, caring home where they can feel safe, and then adopt them after the probationary period. The best part, IT'S FREE! This seemed too good to be true. Free? All we had to do is foster for a few months and then we get to adopt them? We. Were. Sold. We looked up an agency that coworkers adopted through and were hooked. We went through all the classes, the lessons, the home study, the background checks and the interviews. Our home looked like a daycare and just about everything was locked (or double locked in some cases). We didn't care, we were only a few months away from becoming parents. In October of 2019 we received our children, a two year old boy and a 2 month old girl-siblings. Excitement is an understatement to how we really felt. God had answered our prayers and we were finally going to be parents. Only it was not the case. We were lied to about the background of these children, about their parents, and lack of family support. We quickly learned that these children should never have been removed from their home; a stereotype was all the department used to remove the children. Little by little we started finding out more and more and we quickly made the children's social worker our enemy and found ourselves in a sinister, dark side of foster care. The side no one talks about. Betrayal, lies, and an unjust-corrupt system was something we could not stand behind. Foster to adopt. A free and easy way to adopt children. This is how it was sold to us. Sure it doesn't have a monetary cost, but the emotional and mental expenses are too great, something we could no longer wager. (Foster to adopt is not the same for everyone. Our story goes much more in depth than what I am giving here. There are wonderful success stories and not all social workers are like the one we had to deal with. If you still feel called to foster then go for it! Do not let our experiences ruin your adventures.) It was with a very heavy heart that we closed our home (we would no longer be accepting foster children in hopes we could adopt them.) We went from children running down the halls to complete silence. What made matters worse...COVID-19. Not only did we have to deal with the empty rooms and quiet halls, but we were locked, in our home, forced to acknowledge the silence. I was back at square one. I truly believed God did not want me to be a mother...He took my first baby, then allowed all of this to happen to us. After a month of prayer, and a lot of it, I realized the desire of me wanting to be a mother had only grown larger. Chris and I talked about our options. We could just track ovulation, but that takes the fun out of sex...AND WHO WANTS FUN-LESS SEX?? No one that's who! We thought about in vitro (IVF), but because pregnancy and starting a family is "elective" (according to the benefits person at my district) we would have to pay out of pocket for treatments...$20,000 a cycle. A CYCLE! Which means that if the first time it didn't work, then we have to pay again, and if that doesn't work, we pay again. We want to expand our family, but we don't want to go broke while doing so; what would we live off of and how would we raise our baby?? We found ourselves back in the arms of domestic adoption through an agency. (We have had people ask us "why not go to Mexico or China to adopt?" They seem to forget that there is a pandemic going around. Also our passports are expired, and well, the United States is home.) Long story short (well long because that wasn't short), that brings us to today. God is everywhere we are. Even on the days I felt abandoned, forsaken, unloved, he was there holding me the entire time. He would speak to us, but we wouldn't listen-I wouldn't listen. After two past attempts of trying to become parents through adoption, we are finally where we are supposed to be. Today marks the first day in our baby (or babies) birth story! We are adopting!Lifetime Adoption is the agency we have chosen. They are Christian based (and in a time where faith can run low, we need a community that understands) and have the best interest of both the birth parents and adoptive parents in mind. This was the second time we had contacted them, and the second time we have been chosen to be a Lifetime family. This is no coincidence, this is God telling us that THIS is our plan.
We are excited to have you be a part of our journey and blessed to have you be part of the community that our baby will be raised in. We invite you to subscribe to our blog so you can be kept up to date with all the details surrounding our adoption. If you have any suggestions on how we can raise our monetary goal (see the funding page) or have a similar story to share, we would love to hear from you! Until next time... Michelle Gomez
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